...and right now, I'm consumed in it's absence.
But, not to be ungrateful of the people, the privileges, the poems, the process of healing and the progress I make everyday, even though it is a as small as surviving the day and even if it is not noticeable in the narrower sense. I'm grateful to all of this but yet, there seems to an absence, a sense of void that is slowly growing again. It makes me feel numb and then so many emotions all at once. It makes me sad, the things I used to love. Even sunsets. How can someone feel sad looking at such a stunning phenomenon of the universe? I miss places, people and phases. I hate that I have to go through all this pain and grief to learn a lesson for life. Which is changing my life and making me live a life I probably didn't expect or dream of. Again, it's a phase and I cannot wait to feel happy. To feel love, in its purest, truest form. I know it is around me, but this grief doesn't let me accept it. I want to feel deserved, of the love that's present in my life and that's on it's way. I want to feel less sad. Less hurt. I want to grieve less and love more. I want to do more.
And they say February is a month of love.