Healing Is Not Linear
Healing, they say, is not linear. And oftentimes, we can feel that we are in the reverse gear and that the progress we thought we made yesterday is all going downhill. It feels like you're swimming against the tide, that you're walking against the crowd, that you're fighting with the wind. More often than not, we feel like giving up at this point. Because, tell me, how do you fight against the wind?
So when I wake up with the thought that everyone seems like a step ahead of me or more than a thousand steps ahead of me, I remind myself that I shouldn't compare my level 1 with someone's level 20. Maybe they've crossed my level long back and probably easily too, but that doesn't mean that the level they are at now is as easy as it looks to me. Probably they have their own villains at their level and they're trying their best to fight them. Yeah, it looks all pretty from far away, maybe it is really pretty too, but comparison will only spiral your thoughts and make you question everything that you do. Making you ignore all the little victories you've been achieving lately and focus on what you don't have.
So when my mind spirals and starts listing things I'm yet to achieve, levels I'm yet to cross, moments I've yet to experience, I remind myself to come back to the present and stop the comparison of my level 1 with their level 20. I'm trying my best to not fight with the wind on such days, to stay grounded, to stop and observe the moment, to learn from it and to accept it rather than letting it run on reverse gear, destroying all the progress that I've been making. Yes, there is progress, as little as it may be, but, I am trying to survive in the consequences of actions and efforts. I'm healing from something I never thought I had to heal from. I am healing from something I thought was healing me but instead, it hurt me more than I expected. Deeper than I thought. So, yes, of course, it is going to take time. A lot of it and I'm trying to be kind meanwhile. To my heart and to my progress that doesn't seem like much on some days.